Diary of Sarav

Dream, no one can stop you from dreaming.  You are your own boss, you can dream whatever you want.  Its cheap and very simple to dream. Its doesn’t cost you a penny, however, power of dreaming is exceptional, very effective and makes you do things to achieve your dreams.  They don’t go away. Mahatma Gandhi had a dream look where it let India too?  MLK had a dream look where it left African Americans in USA to?  It leads you to success and eventually you can change history.  These are some exceptional example of how we can utilize the power of dream, harness it to our advantage and moreover its free.

Growing up I had lots of dreams.  Some are simple ones and some didn’t come to for a long time.  One of them is learning dancing,  learning Bharatanatyam to be very precise.  Bharatanatyam is one of the Indian classical dance forms.  I was introduced to this when I was in First grade. Ever since my Music teacher checking out my classmates adavus, I was hooked.  It happened often and I went home and performed my version, whatever way I remembered to my mom and sometimes, I was asked to perform before my neighbors.  I loved doing it.  I suppose a male child was not supposed to, I don’t think I ever expressed my interest to my parents neither did I tell them nor did they see the potential in me. Many other dreams I pushed way deep into my mind and dared to dream about them.  I thought I was being considerate towards to families financial situation.  A modest upbringing will do that to you and realize and see lots of things when you are younger.  You don’t have to be an adult to see many things.  perhaps I matured faster in that environment. Perhaps I lost my childhood to that environment? Perhaps I didn’t fit in. Perhaps I was like that by nature.  Perhaps its my destiny. Perhaps its natural to adapt to situations like that.

I grewup, went to college graduated, moved away from home to Calcutta and after few years to US. Years went by and again I was Introduced to Bharatanatyam by my dear friend Sudharshan.  He is a very talented male dancer and exponent of this art.  He is a self styled ambassador for arts and culture. His performances over the past few years fueled the fire within me. Deep down the dream I had as a little boy, was dormant.  It awoke with this pleasant stimulation and it germinated into a  plant.  My desire to learn dance once again burnt like a wild fire within me. It grew bigger and bigger day by day.

This time around, I am independent and not a child anymore. I can seek whatever I wanted. I have the freedom and resources at my disposal. Not that I want to be a senator in the congress or senate.  Just want to quench my thirst for arts. Appreciate the finer things my motherland offers.  Coming from a rich culture like in India,  music and dance plays a very important role in depicting the countries heterogeneous culture, the way of life, religions and the history. The influence of so many different great cultures that arrived in the subcontinent either via trade, missions or forcibly via wars are integrated over the centuries. Its a perfect amalgamation of so many languages, religions, cultures and needless to say, its has been a inspiration for many in different parts of the world.

The desire to learn and to dance was so great.  In Spring of 2006, Cambridge Asian festival by River Charles was held.  Sudharshan Belsare,  Meena Subramanyam and Soumya Ramanathan danced representing the Indian subcontinent.  The amazing recital of by the three got to me a point where I said,  this is it.  I better do something about this right now before its too late.  I am not getting any younger.  I was 32 at that time.

I talked to my friend Kishor and he expressed interest and also my friend Kannan with whom I went to the festival.  He expressed interest as well.  Being south Indians we appreciated the dance form more than our Northern counterpart.  Because the songs were mostly in Tamil. And we relate to the beats and Tals and stories well. I am sure some of my North Indian brothers and sisters going wild on my comments. But honestly its my interpretation.  Perhaps others may have a different perception about this whole South and North thing.

We three approached Sudharshan to find out anyone is giving lessons to 30+ adult men in Bharatanatyam. To our surprise,  Meena Subramanyam’s name came.  We contacted her immediately.  We were invited to a introduction class in Medway in the summer of 2006.  We watched the class dance. Its not easy,  but I loved it more than I did.  I was dying to start my lessons.

The classes were over for the summer and the next semester starts only in the fall of 06. Unfortunately Kannan couldn’t join us because of his travel for work.  So Kishor and I have joined the class in Spring of 06 and we have since been learning the dance form from Meena and Soumya.  Arai Mandi, Mulu Mandi, Adavu, Jathi, Talangu ThakaThiku Thakka Thanringinathom, Adami, Pathakam etc were added to our vocabulary.  I am constantly analyzing songs that I hear for beats and think about choreograph those songs.

I am looking forward to the day when I will be finally able to perform a formal dance. It may take years, but I have a dream.  Its very powerful and with my dance teachers help and my friend Kishor as a dancing partner and practice partner, I can achieve that milestone.  My dream will be a reality soon.

I walk down the stairs
Off the street of sommerville
On to the platform
To catch the train
To bring me home
I hear a booming voice
singing along a soothing guitar
Standing alone and playing along
in a corner with his eyes closed
Not knowing whats around
Not knowing who is around
I sat on a bench and closed my eyes
To soak the music
Songs of war and peace,  love and hate,  hope and despair
Filled my soul deep to the core
warmth of the voice soothed my stress
I left the place with his fading voice
Took some peace, love and hope
To cleanse myself of hate and depair

Another busy holiday season arrived and will pass very soon.  I am busy with buying gifts or fantasizing getting some hot gift for myself or  my friends or my family.  Or just having fun with window shopping or looking at all the catalogues and discount coupons sent my way.  I cant deny the fact that Snow will be here very soon and I will be wearing layers of clothes to venture out or bitch about the high heating bill.  Perhaps hug my friends to keep me warm when we are outside..  or stay closer to be warm and beat the cold.  Its time of the year I like to spend a lot of time in coffee houses (No I didn’t say bath houses) with friends, acquaintances and complete strangers.  Its all part of life and drama that comes with it.

Perhaps another holiday season in which I add few pounds to my slim thin figure  and constantly worry about  how to loose them once the holiday season is over.  Perhaps another holiday season in which I rakeup considerable CreditCard Debt and worry about paying them all at once, when the holiday season is over.  I am not alone in this and I am sure many of you go thru this as well.

All these holidays don’t have any religious significance to me.  Growing up back in India, my family was very unorthodox, liberal and rebellious in many ways. (I was raised Hindu) My parents hardly went to temples and perhaps once or twice a year.  We never performed pooja’s at home regularly.  Perhaps once or twice a year.  Neither did my parent quoted religious scriptures to discipline us the rowdy kids nor did they notice me taking bible lesson thru post.

Thinking about my childhood, I was always the talkative, sensitive, troublemaker.  Always trying to please others, I found out very early that I can sense other feelings easily (So don’t pretend about anything, I can see thru you.)  Arguing with my parents about things beyond my age, getting beaten by my father once a while and make my mom cry many times.  Poor parents, they can take the shit only to a certain extent. I did good in school and excelled in debates and won some prices as well, I wish I had continued that. So we celebrated Diwali (Deepavali, Festival of lights), Pongal (Sankaranthi, harvest festival),  Onam, Christmas, Eid, Ramzan etc.  Our schools are out and I had neighbors from different religion and different states of India who spoke different languages. So its never religious for me, its all about having fun with friends, off from school and exchanging some wonderful sweets, cakes, and delicious food from our beloved neighbors.

I didn’t grewup in a rich family,  we lived from pay check to pay check like many others. Coffee with sugar in the beginning of the month and at the end sometimes we endup with Black coffee and brown sugar.  Whatever we could offer.  My mom served us with pride and never let us go hungry (Bless you mom), so we learnt to appreciate all the good things in life and appreciated all good things and good people. Its not the gifts it counted, it was all about people, love and company.

But when I started earning, I was far away from my hometown Coimbatore, working near Calcutta aka Kolkata. So it was a sudden transition,  I can make some good money, but I am far from family. I cant make the trek of 3 days on train to go all the down south to meet the family often, so it was all about friends.  I learnt to make few good friends and we are all like family.  We as bachelors were invited for dinners, lunches and gatherings.  Living in hostel’s we didn’t have access to cook in a kitchen.  We relied on cafeteria food, so it was a delight to taste some home cooked food.  I am so thankful to those wonderful souls.

Friends became my family since then.  I learnt to appreciate the fact that I wont be able to spend time with my family as often as I thought I should be.  Friends became family, my primary resource and caretakers.  They are the ones who took care of me when I was sick,  they are the ones who organized my birthday parties, they are the one who hugged me, they are the ones who laughed and cried with me, they are the ones who gave me strength and love when I needed it.

As any good story, good things wont last much.  I did move to the states and 97 and left them all there and still stay in touch with them once a while.  The good memories are there to help me thru the rest of my life.

Moving to states and finding new friends it was not easy, some move, I move,  its the part of the game.  But they are my family, my primary support network. I can be myself and I can let my guards down, They can see me in my real elements.  I spend my holidays with them, celebrate Birthdays, talk to them when I feel the blues.  We exchange our medical histories, love life, or love less life stories. See movies, meet others families when they show-up. We come is so many colors, sizes, ages, genders, sexual orientations, fetishes and moods.  But hey we are all humans and we get along well.  Why not?

The holiday season is here and we go thru this in our own style.  No one is holding grudge against each other. Even if we do, we wont tell the other person. We just live our lives and navigate thru this wire mesh of our lives and try to strike a balance. Rely on our cell phones to memorize all our lives contacts and thinking about moving to Blackberry to be more connected to the cyber world 24×7.

Thank you friends and family,  happy holidays.

Speakers: GLBT Asians do exist  By Tom Keane (From Boston College new magazine BCheights)

I am so priviledged to be part of this panel discussions. I am posting the new article for everyone to see.

From the Article

Break the surface
gasp for air
Burden on my shoulders
drags me down
Deep down
Dark and cold
Filled with filth
filled with dirt
no light
penetrate this deep
no sound
penetrate this deep
no warmth
touch my soul
creatures lurking
in the dark
Creatures touching
me everywhere
Days go by
months go by
weights add up
suffocate my core
try to breath
need of air
muster my strength
from the core
break the surface
take a breath
see the light
of the world
in that moment
and sink back
to the deep

Constant gaze
Piercing stare
You Turn your head
Whisper hate words
Hold me in contempt
Think you are better
You say
My skin is light
Think you are better
In your small mind
Treat me like dirt
Like shit on your shoes
Smile in pretence
When in need
Talk in pretence
When in need
Your heart is cold
Your soul is cold
I give a damn
For your hate
I give a damn
For your fate
I walk away
With my head
Held so high
Like a lotus
Floating in the pond
My heart is light
filled with love
filled with peace
Still there is
A place for you
In my heart
Quit the hate
see the truth
see the light

The perfect dream

A house in the suburbs

By the lake

Big white house

Victorian perhaps

High perfect ceilings

Nice little garden
Filled with life
Nice little pond
Filled with fish
Large space to live

With my honey

Little me

Little him

Lots of crying

Lots of tantrums

Noicy as it gets

But its divine

Movie nights

Tons of popcorn

Tons of candy

Families and Friends
visiting

From far and near

One big family

One loving family

We do fight

We do feud

End with a kiss

End with a hug

Forgiving family
close to heaven
The perfect dream

In a perfect house

with white picket fence
With my love
A love filled house
A fun filled house
Gaurding my dream
White picket fence

The skies are blue
The gentle breeze
The endless parade
Of man and beast
I dont know
where are you from
I dont know
who you are
I dont know
your name
I dont know
what you do
You walk on the streets
Hand in hand
You stand on the street
holding hands
Smiling, happy and warm
Free at last
From the bonds
From the hatred
From the never understanding
Small world bonds
It all matters
Who you love
It doesnt matter
How you love
It all matters
That you love
Walk on the streets
Hand in Hand
Dont be shy
To give a kiss
Dont be shy
To give a hug
Dont be shy
To show your love
Its your home
away from home
One and only
Province town
The skies are blue
The gentle breeze
The endless parade
Of man and beast
One and only
Province town

Aug 20 2006

Vacation 2006 started off little after 1:30 pm on Sunday 08/21.  I start driving the 120 odd miles to
Provincetown.  The weather was bit gloomy, very cloudy and it was like its going to rain any time.   It didn’t damper my vacation spirits.   It’s been a while since I took a real vacation.  Last year I went to San Francisco for couple of weeks about the same time.  This year around my Vacation part A will be of 1 week.  I didn’t forget to pack my beach apparels, accessories and my mountain bike.   Province town has a nice bike trail that goes around the town.    The drive was not that bad, there were packets of traffic snarls along the way, but it was not that bad.   I stopped midway to get a cup of coffee at the local Dunkin Donuts.  A cup of coffee from Dunkin Donuts has become a routine whenever I am on road.  It gives a kind of warmth and I always look forward to buy that cup of Joe.  If you ask me, it tastes different and delicious when I am on the road.

On the way, I called my friends Kannan  and made some ado plans with him for the Labor day weekend around Sep 4th.   Then I called Kishor and informed him about the plans and chatted for a while.

I was planning to reach Ptown around 4:00 pm.  I think I have underestimated the speed limits in these parts of the world.  It went down from 65 – 60 – 50 – 45 – 40 – back to 50.  It was a slow drive.  Once a while some very cautious driver backed up the traffic, I forgave them all with my vacation spirits.

Finally around 4:30 I arrived at the place where I booked the room.  It’s a private house and its my first time I have come to province town alone and also never stayed in a private house before.  It’s a first.   My bladder was full since I drove passed Hingham. I wanted very badly to go to the bathroom. That’s the only thing that was in mind.  You know how preoccupied our minds will be when we need to relieve ourselves in anyway. The host mentioned that he lived in the first floor.  Being an Indian, sometimes, I confuse it with the American standard of First Floor = ground floor.  I ended up going to the second floor apartment.  Whoever lived there was as filthy as it gets.  The place was smelly with couple of cats and the place was cluttered with empty booze bottles and cigarette butts. There was trash everywhere, piles of magazines and news paper,  clothes hanging on all possible places,  unwashed utensils,  dirty floor with  at-least few inches of dirt.   The place smelled like something I have never smelt before. I somehow managed to find the bath room and relived my tension.   I was so stressed thinking about staying in that place. At that point I was ready to pack my bag and look for other accommodation in the town.  Did I have any other options?  No I don’t think so. I could not even comprehend if I had to stay in that place. Not even for few minutes.  I stepped outside the place to breathe some fresh air.  I realized that I stopped breathing for almost over a minute.   It was raining outside, but I thought I will wait outside or even in the car.  When I stepped outside,  I saw the guy who lives there at the bottom of the steps. He had a suspicious and annoyed expression on his face.  He looked up and asked me what I was doing in his apartment? I replied that I was looking for so and so. He said so and so lives in the first floor apt. I was so relieved to hear those words and I practically ran down the steps as if like a lover running down the steps to great his/her lover.  I apologized for my intrusion and didn’t stop my sprint till I reached the actual house.  I was very excited and more relieved.   It could have been a spectacle had I been in the house peeking thru the things I wasn’t supposed to do and caught with my zippers down in the bathroom relieving myself and the person who lives there showed-up.  He could have called the police or beat me up for the intrusion.  Who knows,   anything is possible.   We can’t discount or say anything in this day and age.  It’s a different world now.

I ran into the downstairs apartment and there they were the Host and the fellow guests.   They all welcomed me warmly with a smile.  I was literally shocked and stressed.  My whole body was shaking, I was breathing heavily.  Perhaps my blood pressure was way up there.  I could easily feel a headache coming soon.  Thank god I have my Tylenol with me.  I don’t go anywhere without them and it takes care of my headache like a charm.   I told them what had happened few minutes back and how I messed up the first floor thing and ended up in the second floor apartment.  It evoked some good laughs.  I did feel like a drama queen from Days of our lives or one of those day time soap operas.  Perhaps I could try for a role in one of these shows.  Perhaps they have a visiting Indian student or house boy or a grocery store guy role for me.  Who knows..

I got my stuff in my small but nicely decorated room with quaint little things.   I realized that I had bought my oversized luggage with me.  It didn’t fit in the closet,  I had to keep it upright so that I can close the closet door and let the air thru the window flow in to the room. I went to the local store with one of my housemate and later he offered to take me to the commercial street.  He is a pianist and visiting here to enjoy the season.   We walked from the west end to the east end.  Visited a art gallery where few of my hosts works were displayed.  On the way back,  I stayed in the Commercial Street strolling on the street.   Well believe me, I was there to check out the Commercial Street
and businesses and shops.   Enjoyed some window shopping,  a deep discussion about  being vegetarian at a local global gifts shop,  my dinner at a nice vegan place, cup of coffee at the wired puppy coffee shop with some internet browsing and I walked back to my room.

Chatted with my host and couple of room-mates and called it a day.  A new day, new possibilities and new beginnings.

Aug 21 2006

I woke up to the sound of foot steps of someone.  Not sure it’s the upstairs neighbor or someone from the house.  Later one of my housemate told me that it was my other housemate who works in an art gallery and she is from Boston.   It was around 7:30 or so.  I could still hear the crickets chirping away.  The sun is not out yet, it was bit cloudy and chilly.  Perhaps it’s going to be a day like this the whole day.  I am contemplating getting some coffee with some breakfast.  I will make it a nice day all around.

I freshened up and got out of my room and I saw my housemate Patrick.  He is all set of go out.  I asked him where he is going.  He said he is going to get some coffee… I readily said I will join him.   In a few mins we were out on to Commercial Street with our laptops.  The place I am staying didn’t provide broadband access.  So I ended up seeking alternatives.  A coffee shop called wired puppy had couple of laptops with free wifi.  We ended up going to Joe’s coffee shop.  Ordered my Chai.  The coffee shop employees were very friendly…   The lady who was making Chai said she visited India
for a few months. We had a small chat and not surprising, the Chai was so good.  I enjoyed it.

We headed across the street and found our free wifi outside of Symbology.  We browsed for few hours before the batter ran out of juice.  We headed home and took a brief break before heading to the beach. I started watching Dil Apan Aur Preeth Parayi a Hindi classic starring Meena Kumari and Raj Kumar.   I got my bike out of my car (I am yet to find a cycle stand which will fit my RAV 4).   It’s a short ride to the Herring cove beach.  10 mins ride to the beach and we parked our bikes and walked 18 mins to a section of the beach and we settled down.

The beach was very busy.  Filled with so many beach goers.  It was all white white and white.  White sands and white dudes all around.  As you know, I get nervous when the crowd is only white.  But who cares, I changed to my beach outfit and got ready for the ocean.   It was cloudy when we got there. The sun was peeking little bit here and there thru the clouds.  It was nice.  I checked the water, not bad, it was not too cold and it was not too hot.  My housemate encouraged me to take a dip.  Then I went into the water.  It was amazing. After getting over the first sensation of cold water touching your back, I was comfortably immersed in the ocean.  I tried my signature swimming strokes and techniques (Thanx Liane) and it was magnificent.   I was submerged up to my neck and looked far into the ocean.  I could see a few sail boats here and there and the cloudy sky touched the water at some point.  The sun rays peeking thru the clouds created an optical illusion of divine rays from heaven reaching down the earth.  In this day and age of war, death and fear, it was so soothing.  It was a moment of connecting to the source, very spiritual and very calming.  Its very difficult to express exactly how I felt, you have to feel it to enjoy every bit of it.  Every second of it is worth the trip.

After frolicking with the nature for sometime I got out of the water.  But after a minute, I couldn’t resist but go back into the water and continue my spiritual experience.  At that moment,   me and my nature, that was my world.  I got disconnected from the physical self and enjoyed the moment.  To back it up, I and my housemate did meditation on the beach for 20 mins or so.  I had my ipod with all the meditation commentary and ready to go.   Beach was the highlight of the day.

I got home showered and went to the T dance at the Boat slip.  It was boring; I somehow felt that I am blocking my housemate from meeting guys.  I excused myself and went for fetching some coffee at the Wired puppy.  By this time, the employees recognized me and welcomed me back. Small world.   I got my coffee and went to the pier and enjoyed the quiet evening.   Fishing boats and cruises coming shore, people simply enjoying the evening breeze, artists sketching, birds making all kinds noise.   Patrol men, kids running around, quiet families walking around, it was nice.   Then I decided to walk back home get something to eat.  Went to subway and got my sandwich, I did meet a guy from Boston
named Steve. Looks like he saw me on the commercial street earlier and we had a little talk before I headed home.   On the way back home, I met my housemates on the way.   I bought some wonderful sea shell necklaces from a little girl who set up her booth on the commercial street.  She was very cute and was like, name your price.  I bought 4 of those so that I can pass it along to the lucky ones later.   We all went home, had out dinner and I took off for more decaf and internet browsing.

Came back home around 10:30 and watched the rest of the movie before calling it a day.

Good night

Aug 22 2006

Tuesday started as usual.   My housemate’s footsteps again manifested as an alarm.   I woke up completely and got outside of my room to freshen-up.  My housemate greeted me with a shy and guilty smile.  Apparently he didn’t come home last night, the classic province town story.  Ha ha.    I got ready and went outside for Chai at the Joe’s.   We went there with our laptops, when we got out with our Chai and coffee; we were looking for the bench where we could get some signals to browse.  Unfortunately it’s a public bench and it was taken.   We reluctantly walked over to the art house, performance center and the coffee shop and sat outside.  I felt guilty sitting outside, using their wifi for free and drinking some other vendors Chai.  I went inside and ordered myself a nice vegan croissant.  The guy was cute and I was trying to flirt with him and he got distracted.  He was trying to get the croissant out of the toaster oven and the wax paper he was using caught fire.  Well we didn’t scream like Boston nqueens with a dramatic fire fire and rescue me routine.  I alerted him and he promptly put the flames down.  That’s about it.

I met Curt from the twin city (Minneapolis); he is a masseur and here in the town on vacation.  He apparently in to Buddhism, spirituality, meditation and eastern philosophy.  He is a student learning Chinese medicine as we speak.  His story was interesting.  He wanted to go to Puttaparthi in
South India

on a pilgrimage to meet his god man "Puttaparthi Sai baba".  Apparently his plans got cancelled and he couldn’t make it.  He sounded very upset about the fact.   He is a nice guy; I enjoyed having my conversation with him.   We discussed many topics needless to say.   While talking I noticed some nice sculptures next door in their yard.   When I got out, I went and took some fabulous pictures for my collection.  They all came out very good.

We decided to head to the beach and we started walking towards home, on the way I started taking pictures.   It was fabulous to get some nice pictures and let us face it; Commercial Street is one of the best places to take some wonderful pictures.  The place is dynamic and changes every second.

Beach was great and to top it off, I meditated for 25 mins on the sands and swam in the ocean.  The water was warm and comfortable and it was nice to be in the water, I enjoyed every moment of it.

Got back to get my shower and headed back to the get some coffee at the wired puppy.  It was my first visit of the day to this coffee shop.   Met a local named David who was so nice, he urged me to visit the monument while I am visiting.  I wasn’t considering visiting the monument, now I am intrigued.  After coffee, did the subway, pier routine and got some wonderful pictures.  I was listening to Lata Mangeshkars wonderful music from those days and it felt so beautiful.  She was singing Dil apna aur preet parayi…   Incidentally I saw the same movie the previous night.  I relished and enjoyed my moment.

I walked back to Commercial Street and Curt called me, we met near the coffee house and we walked to the wharf? To get something for him to eat, incidentally “whatever happened to Jane” was being shown to the public.  We saw the suspense movie; I want to see the movie in full some other time.   Betty Davis and Ms. Crawford were fabulous.   They lived their part, needless to say.

After a decaf at the art house, I kissed Curt goodbye and got back home to download my pictures and get ready for the Wednesday.

Ciao

Aug 23 2006

I know these journal entries are getting smaller, smaller and very brief.  Is this a conspiracy or is it just a natural phenomenon.  You decide.
As usual I went for coffee at the art house on Commercial street.  By now I am friendly with the staff.  The staff is of two kinds, guys and gals who grew up here and the rest
who are here working in the summer.  Spend some hours browsing, drinking coffee and contemplating what to do..  I ended up walking a lot,  it was a rare oppurtunity to go to the East end and take some wonderful pictures.
The East end is full of art galleries and the best thing I like about the decorations and the statues outside in the lawn.  Took some wonderful pictures, cant wait to see them though.

Went to the Beach and met my friend Curt there,  I went late today because I thought I will go there bit late and stay late.  Normally I go with my housemate patrick but he leaves around 4:30 to go to the yoga class,
today was different.   The usual swimming in the ocean,  checking out guys, and how is in the buff etc, was boring after sometime.  But anyway I went for a long walk with my Ipod blaring Indian filmi music and I went collecting pebbles.
After I came back, I meditated with my friend Curt and it was amazing.  Third day in a row, meditating on the beach was great.  I somehow think I attract those souls who are into spirituality and I kindoff beleive that I can get alon with them very well.
May be its too soon to make a judgement call on this, but I think its true.  I feel comfortable I beleive.  Neverthelss I am determined to do meditation whenever and wherever its possible, it makes me calm and recharged and relxed.
Vactaions are for relaxing and stress free, thats one of the reason I chose not to be part of the club scene, which are very loud, pretentious, body hungry and very costly. Who wants to pay $5.00 for a bottle of water?  Water is more costly than alcohol, its pathetic.

Once i got back home, I went for my coffee, strolling, dinner, strolling and shopping spree.

Met curt at 10pm outside of my arthouse and then we went to see Ms. Richfield karoke at the *** video bar.  It was fun, listening to all the girls and guys trying to karoke.  I was ready to go around 12:15, kissed curt goodbye and headed home, way past the pizza place.
Walking past the pizza place makes me nervous,  somehow iI feel that I am being watched watched and watched.  get over it Sarav.  Get over it.

Lovers on Province-town streets

The skies are blue
The gentle breeze
The endless parade
Of man and beast
One and only
Province town
I dont know
where are you from
I dont know
who you are
I dont know
your name
I dont know
what you do
You walk on the streets
Hand in hand
You stand on the street
holding hands
Smiling, happy and warm
Free at last
From the bonds
From the hatred
From the never understanding
Small world
It all matters
Who you love
It doesnt matter
How you love
It all matters
That you love
Walk on the streets
Hand in Hand
Dont be shy
To give a kiss
Dont be shy
To give a hug
Dont be shy
To show your love
Its your home
away from home
One and only
Province town
The skies are blue
The gentle breeze
The endless parade
Of man and beast
One and only
Province town

Aug 24 2006
Today is Thursday, its almost 5th day of my vacation, today I decided to do some sightseeing with my new friend Curt.  I was recommended to see the Monument and the museum. Today is the day to get that done.  I was sitting in the
Art house cafe and drinking coffee and watchihg people.  I felt more romantic looking at all the people that early in the day.  Especially two guys who were walking hand in hand on the street.  I noticed them when they went past the window I was sitting
against. It inspired me to write a small poem. "Lovers on the streets of Provincetown".  How appropriate for the season and the day, that made my day.
I waited for my friend curt till 10:30 and he didnt showup.  I called him on the phone and he was asleep.. no wonder.  We decided to meet later and I had some more time to kill.  I took off from the coffee house and headed towards the east end
Got my antoher cup of coffee (Decaf) and sat on the benches opposite the city hall.  A street performer was playing flute and I was able to listen to the music and also read Ya Ya sisterhood book.  It was sunny and nice weather.
I could sense families coming by and sitting besides me and listening to the music.  After sometime, Curt called me and I went to his guesthouse from there its a short walk to the monument.

The monument is few centuries old, at the entrance there is a small giftshop and a museum.  We paid $7 for the entrance fee and checked the museum first. It was interesting to see the early exhibit and the Mayflower history.  Well birth of a new generation and death of a old one.
Did the pictures of first encounter between the Mayflower people and the native americans depict the future correctly?  Yes it did. Its a new beginning but an end to a wonderful culture.  Needless to say.
I felt a sense of sadness seeing the picture,  its  a fact and hope someday we acknowledge it with the due respect it deserves.

While we were enjoying the exhibits, this kids annoying cry really bothered me.  When I looked around,  I saw a little Indian boy (From India) running around crying, while his parents were very keenly deeply appreciating the exhibits.  Perhaps we can all learn from them
how to mask these external noices.  Its good for us, dont you think so?

From the exhibit, we went to see the monument.  We have to climb all the way up the monument,  I tried to take some pictures of the monument and alas, my battery died after two shots.  Unfortuanately my backup batteries are not there in the camera bag.  I ran to the giftshop to get
more batteries and they didnt carry them.  What a dissapointment.  Well, I did climb the monument and had a good view of the bay area in all four directions. It was bit crowded with families, lovers and single people alike.  We did have a good time, wish I had my camera ready to take
some wonderful shots from that height. On the way back the customer service reps where kind enough to give me a free pass for the next day.  Hope I can use it and it will be sunny and clear to take those pictures I want to take.

We dined at Tofu go go restaurant and I went home.  the day was sunny and bright and I thought even around 3pm I could get to the beach and enjoy the sun.  when I got home, my housemates where still home. Patrick still nursing a hangover,  Marcello ready for his jogging and beach routine,
I got them motivated and before no time we headed to the beach.  The beach was nice,  I enjoyed the long swim I did.I was bit scared with my freestyle swimming in the ocean.  I wasnt sure I was swimming closer to the shore, I was afraid that I may swim too deep into the ocean and drown.
What a silly thought?  But considering that I only learnt swimming earlier this year, its a normal fact.  I cant be cocky enough to think that I can swim across the ocean or take the waves as they come.

Came home little after 6 and freshened up and went to get some coffee.  The usual grind.  I met my online friend Stewart who drove from Philly that day for dinner.  Nice conversation and nice company.   For the first time this week, I had enjoyed a proper sitdown dinner at a restaurant.
It was getting bit chilly and cold, so we went to get some coffee and chat indoors.  Stewart didnt drink coffee so he gave me company while I drank 12oz of americana decaf coffee.
Went home after 11:00.

To have a perfect ending to a nice day, I decided to popin a Bollywood movie. 70s movie starring Sadhana and Sunil Dutt called "Mera Saya" means "My shadow".  I have seen this movie years ago, but didnt remember much of it.  So it was interesting to watch the rest of the movie till late  in the night.
The music is haunting, Madan Mohan did a wonderful job some 30 years back, but wonderful to beautiful Sadhna and Handsome Suil Dutt going thru this wonderful love story and suspence as the sametime.

Aug 25 2006
"Talk the talk but dont walk the walk."

Today is Friday.  The forecast for the day was lots of rain, cloudy and cold. I got out of the house as usual for my coffee and checking emails and updating my blog.  I certainly felt that I will be cold as I didnt dressup for the day nor did I have warm clothes packed in my luggagge.
I called up curt and he cameby to hangout with me at the art house.  I was busy drinking my coffee, chatting with curt and people watching.  That was divine.  The place was very crowded yesterday because of the weather. I wasnt suprised.  Its a normal human behavior any given day.
Curt headed back to his guesthouse as he was not feeling well. Previous day sea food did it.  Then this call from someone in Singapore. Not sure why I recived this call, but looks like the person was calling me on my mom’s behalf.  He went on about how my mom misses me and when
I should be going back to India and such.  First of all I felt really very weird, some stranger who I completely dont know is calling me and lecturing me of my duties or my obligations.  But it made me thinking as well, is my communication with my mom borken like Vivi and Sidha in Ya Ya sisterhood?
Is my mom so scared of telling my anything at all?   Do we need a open heart to heart conversation session soon to sort this out?
The call made me angry, but made me think as well.  It certainly didnt upset as normally it could have.  The vacation and less stresslevel helped me to cope with this call. Thats certainly true.

I started to do the walk along Comm st.  It was nice walking along the street people watching and wondering when its going to rain.  Few rain drops fell on me, made me shiver and wanting to hug the cutest guy
walkingby or to hug a nice warm blanket at home.  I kinda started to miss my home a little bit.  Eventhough its my vacation, I missed using my kitchen and doing stuff my own way and most importantly my privacy.  Well its always nice to miss home as you can look forward to go back home. That makes it better.
It was getting colder and colder, so  I decided to go to the public library, they had a book sale going.  Found some nice poetry books one is a collection of poem for Mathew shepard.  Cant wait to read the poetry.  Something in ptwon rekindled my interst in poetry and made me feel more sensitive and sensible.
May be its in the air or its the people or its just me.  Perhaps its the nicest and stress free vacations I ve had in a very long time.  That would be it.
Went online and talked to friends and strangers for few hours before got bored and  headed back home.  I did some shopping to get some warm clothes on the way.  Grabbed some pizza at the famous S**** pizza place and headed back to my room.  Watchd Pyaasa the famous Guru Dutt movie rest of the afternoon and ate pizza.
Suprisingly the pizza was very good, no wonder people flog to this pizza joint.

Met Stewart later in the evening, did some shopping and also went to art galleries, they had open house as it was Friday night. Had our dinner and headed home around 11 to call it a day.

Very interesting day and I was wondering about the call all day,  I should call my mom and discuss this sooner or later and get to the bottom of it.  hope this is not a marriage proposal call or discussion in the making. Hope it doesnt.