Diary of Sarav

Boston pride is one of the events that I never failed to attend since I moved to Boston in 2003.  Perhaps its the first event I ever attend in my whole life where I met with my fellow Queer South Asians and Asians eye to eye.  Perhaps its the beginning of my second coming out, to be part of a group of people who share so much about me. We understood each other very well,  we didnt explain each and everything we did.  Its like an instant family.   This year is no different.  I always look forward for this day.  Its always around my Birthday, so I always get a feeling that I did something different and enjoy my Birthday as well.  As a low key person, I dint like to celebrate my birthday, but love to spend it with my friends and family.  I am easily embarrassed when someone finds it out.  May be its because we never celebrated Birthdays as elaborate as its done in this country.   I am feel alive and thankful to add one more year to my age.  I am very lucky to be alive given the circumstances and events in my life.   

So this year, pride came on my birthday itself.  How wonderful that can be?  This year I didn’t spend too much time working towards organizing the pride with other Asian queer organizations.  May be its because I am not part of any of the official boards.  May be its for my own good, why not enjoy the fruit of others hard-work.   

As usual, MAP for health did a wonderful job in co-ordinating the Asian float along with QAPA and MASALA.  Eugene Tan the ever  jolly and easy going friend is the key. I am jealous of his easy to go attitude,  its something I should learn from him.  On the hindsight,  he is right.  Getting stressed out is not going to help anyone.  Its better to stay focused and do the things the way it should be done.  Staying focused is what we need when working with queer groups.  Did I fail to mention opinions,  attitudes and you never do things right of few in the community which really drags everyone down.  I have seen that happening again and again,  but again its part of life.  Everyone has an agenda and we have to live with that.  That’s part of the charm of our collective I guess.

There were so many of the float building parties this year.  I was unable to attend any of them.   Finally I managed to attend the last one the day before pride. 

When I arrived at our designated location near Copley on the pride day,  the weather wasn’t that good.  It was raining all day and the forecast said its going to rain during the pride.  While walking from the T station towards our designated location,  I could see that the rain didn’t dampen the pride spirits.  I saw people in wonderful costumes,  friends cheering for each other, hugging,   handsome police officers standing on street corners and just scanning the crowd.  Its a festive atmosphere at the best.  Who said  Pride is a corporate sellout?  Isn’t it an opportunity for us to be who we are in public and have fun?   Shame with all the prejudices and reservations against the community.  Its our collective responsibility to show our face to the community and let the Right wing know our presence.  We do come in different colors, heights, genders and configurations.   Accept us for who we are and keep your opinion to yourself, because we dint need it.

Finally after a short walk, I arrived at the destination.  First person I ran into was my dear Suriya. Met with Shri, Jacob, Amit, Johnny, Eugene, Mimi, Diana, Partha, Tauheed, Maria and others..    All of them were involved in giving the float final touches.  We started the generator and music was on.  so is the pride.  The rain was coming down heavily at that point.  We huddled under Hotel Lonox’s foot steps.

Banners cameout, beads,  flags and many more.   We started decorating ourselves as well.  We posed for some pictures.  We finally started waking in the pride parade.  We followed the float.  Some carrying banners braving the winds, some distributing safe sex packets MAP put together, some distributing beads.  Some were greedy to keep the beads for themselves :),  I dont blame them,  it was adding color to the festivities.

At the beginning of the parade, I was covering my head with my jacket hood.  At some point, I took it off.  I let the rain drops drench myself.  Everydrop of the rain, felt liberating,  made me sensual,  made me aware of the day, made me aware of the others walking by.  I didnt feel like covering myself again, I wanted to be visible, I wanted poeple on the sidewalks to see me clearly, I want people to understand that Asians can be gay as well.  We come in different sizes, shapes and colors.  We may not look alike, or talk alike, but we are from the same region.  Our roots are from that contient called Asia.  Whether we like it or not, its true.   Some call me South Asian here,  but I am an Asian guy. Thats how I look at it.  There is no looking back.

The rains, the winds didnt make our life easier during the parade, but sheer will power got us thru.  All along the pride route,  it was very joyful to see the cheering crowd.  Most of them braved the rains and cheering us from the sidelines.  Thats the moment of celebrating who we are.  Thats the moment to celebrate our friends, family and the community.  No we are not corporate sell-outs or freaks or showoffs.  We are people, we elect to participate in an event to showcase our community.  We participate in the way that makes sense to us.  Its our day in the limelight, under the public eyes, we elect to be behave the way we wanted,  there is no holding back.  Its time for euphoria, fun and festivities.  Its time to educate the community that Asians can be gay.  We are part of the community, no-one can deny that fact.  Down with the bigotry, racism and indifference from outside and inside of the gay community.  We are all united based on our sexuality and dont let anything else further divide the community.  Let all the sexists, agists, racists and classists get a reality check.  We dont need them, we have enough friends and community who are not that narrow minded.  We will surge ahead in making progress and hormony in the community.

I remember Ajith telling me how he felt that the spectators reminded him of the past and the present,  I cannot deny that observation.  I felt that it was my past, present and the future.   Yes indeed,  its my present and the future as well.  All along the parade, I saw many familiar faces.  Perhaps from the dating sites, from the community chat rooms, my friends, my community work connections, out reach workers etc etc.  I did  give hugs to a few of them whether they squirmed of getting wet or didnt mind getting wet.  Why not..  they are my family here and no one is as closer than them in reality. 

After a few hours of battling the elements we arrived at Boston commons.  Wet, tired, cold and hungry.  We decided to end the parade by having a late lunch at Penang the Malaysian restaurant in China town.  We all walked another mile to stay warm and get a chance to get dry.  The pride comes to an end.

Till the next parade, these memories will get us thru.

The alarm clock went off at 7am on June 4th 2006.  I was literally lying the bed waiting for the alarm to go off.  I got out of the bed and went to my kitchen to make a cup of coffee.  While preparing coffee I glanced outside to check the weather.  The weather was not so good.  It was cloudy, wet, drizzling and looked very cold.  The made me think how bad the turnout at this years AIDS walk is going to be.  I wondered whether how many cancellations will be there due to this nasty weather.  This didn’t stop me from motivating myself and get ready for the walk.

By 8 I was all ready and raring to go outside.  Called a close friend and that friend wouldn’t go because of the weather. Another sent me an SMS saying that he was sick.  I think I didn’t do a good job organizing this year AIDS walk.  Things didn’t fall in to place.   I couldn’t motivate enough people to register to walk.  The fundraising was not that bad.

I left home for the Hatch Shell so that I can be there at 9am as I announced in the email. After a couple of mins drive to Cambridge Central Sq subway stop,  I hopped into the red line train towards Charles MGH stop. Hatch Shell is just over the bridge from that station. The train brimmed with people who were going to the walk. Actually it gave me an oppurunity to chat-up a fellow passenger who was holding the AIDS walk collection envelop.  I cant count on my right hand how many times I have talked to a complete stranger in the Subway, perhaps this is one of those rare moments in life.

Meanwhile,  my mind was pre-occupied with Lyle, Joey, Jay, Robert and others..  Few of them have departed this world and I am fortunate to have few of them in my life. The thoughts how far along I have come in this journey to understand this disease, to educate myself and others.  Its a bitter sweet memories of the past, present and the future. I have control over the present and I have no control of the future.  But I do have the optimism to make a difference in someone’s life.

After reaching the Hatch Shell, I didn’t see anybody waiting for me, I went straight to the registration booths and did my registration.  I ran into a fellow Team Leader Jonathan.  It was a pleasant surprise. We chatted for a bit and I again went back to the waiting area for our team.  Before I know,  Partha and Adi joined me.  In no time Mrinalini joined, shortly after that Tao Kai and Danny joined us and completed the team.  I knew that there wont be anymore participants from the groups and we proceeded towards the start line.

The walk started off at 10am. It drizzled a little bit, bit cold but we surged ahead. For sometime we held hands, all six of us in a solidarity and felt like a family. At that moment, the six people who held hands were so important and bigger than the life itself.  We are there for a reason, to represent a community which is marginalized for so many varied reasons, yet we were there to support the community and also create the awareness. I wish there were more to walk in that group. I was grateful for all the souls who donated and also who braved the weather and took a stand. In this years walk few marvelous souls walked with me, that mattered more than anything. I am so grateful for them and proud of them. 

We walked pass so many groups,  I love you "Barry" signs(I recall seeing the same sign last year),  Williams family and many more. Families coming together, friends walking together, community groups, health organizations, school students, educational institutions are few of the examples.  All ages, races, genders were represented in the group. Babies in carriages, wheel chairs, hearing impaired talking to others in sign language, people too sick to walk navigating the crowd in wheel chairs are common sights.  The walk went thru Back bay, Brookline, Cambridge, Back Bay and ended in the Hatch Shell after 3 hours or so. The relief when the walk was over. I made it, one of my new years resolution was fulfilled.

HIV and AIDS touches everyone’s life.  It doesn’t discriminate.  Women, children, Men, mothers, sisters, brothers, fathers, sons, daughters, uncles, aunts, doctors, engineers, lawyers, chefs, pilots, politicians..  everyone is susceptible for this disease. What vaccine do we have in hand after 25 years of AIDS in America?  Prevention.  If we all can seek and educate ourselves,  2-3 people who are getting infected daily in MA wont become part of another statistics. None of the conservative driven policy changes of the government is going to help fight this disease effectively. Yet as individuals we have the power to educate ourselves and others.  That’s what this walk is all about.  Its not about who get the funds we collected, but its about changing the community,  create the awareness.  An opportunity to ask ourselves, do we all have the necessary information about this disease?  How do we support others who are affected by this?  What can we do to stop the spread of this disease?

I am determined to walk again. I dream about collecting more funds next year, motivate more people to join me in the walk, to hold hands, an opportunity to create awareness, an opportunity to fight the spread of the disease, an opportunity to extend my hands to those affected by this diseases, an opportunity to heal those suffering souls, an opportunity to say I do care, an opportunity to make a difference in the community I live. We will prevail.

Till then, We have an year’s time to plan and motivate ourselves and others.  Please be part of that journey, because we can make a difference if we choose to and please make that choice. Its never too late.

Thank you all of you from the bottom of my heart for your contributions and my friends Partha, Adi, Tao Kai, Danny & Mrinalini for being part of this special day by spending those lovely moments.