Walden Pond and the one legged Willy the Duck.

July 28th, 2007 by bostonsarav

Saturday July 28th around 3pm. I am sitting at home wondering whatever happened to my friend who is supposed to call me around 1pm. The call never materialized and there was no response to my call and voice mail.  I was looking outside, it was dark, windy. I could see the thunder clouds hanging low like a low hanging fruit, ready to be plucked anytime.  You never know whether its going to be good or bad.  Before I know the sky opened up and it came down heavily. I could simply feel the warm summer rain hitting the warm concrete slabs and the smell rain water mixing up with the soil  It reminded me of monsoon season back home in India.

Before I know my friend Kristen IMed me and asked me whether I would like to go to Walden Pond in Concord, MA.  I was like geese, its raining, its cloudy and do you think we will enjoy the pond? Something stuck with me and I said, let us do Walden pond.

The journey started with me driving to Somerville to pickup my friend, the sky was opening up and stopping at its will.  The streets were filled with flash flood at some places and it was getting worse.  But anyhow, I picked up my friend and we were on our way to the pond.

Little after 20 mins of drive, we reached the pond. The person at the gate who was selling tickets, warned us that swimming was not allowed.  I wasn’t prepared to go swimming, somehow it didn’t strike me that we could swim in the pond. perhaps the next time.  We didn’t mind paying the entry fee and before we know we were walking towards the pond.  The sky was gloomy, it was drizzling a little.  The beach area was sparsely dotted with some families and some kids. The kids were not allowed to enter the water.  I could see the disappointment in the kids faces and also the disappointed parents who had a hard time controlling the kids from running in to the water.

The rain stopped and we spread our beach towels ( Thanx Kristen) and got our picnic stuff out and sat down.  That is when I noticed a flock of wild ducks in the lake.  Around 8 of them swimming close to the beach. I am sure they are used to get fed by the picnickers or pickup the dropped or leftover food on the beach.  They were very close to the beach. The moment we opened our snack bags, they started moving towards the beach and landed in the sand.  For some reason this female duck was still hanging in the water. Just few steps it would be on the sand, but it didn’t want to land on the beach.   I didn’t pay attention to the rest of the ducks and was watching this duck closely.  After a few mins, it started to land. It was making some awkward unbalanced moves and it finally hopped on to the sand. That is when I realized this difference,  the duck was missing  one leg.  Yes, its strange but true. A one legged duck.  It reminded me of One eyed moody from Harry Potter series. The duck was bit smaller than the rest of the ducks.  It slowly hopped towards our towel. Something in its eyes, that drew me closer to the duck.  It was not a give me pity, or be sorry for me kind off look.  But I am strong, I am not afraid of you and I know why I am here.  It had an attitude, the positive attitude. A sense of calmness and being very sure about herself.  A sense of pride, that was so positive to look at to experience, to learn, to cherish that moment.

It hung close by my beach towel. I gave her some food and immediately she was all over hopping and getting the food.  This attracted the other ducks.  One of the dominating male from the group started harassing our one legged willy.  I had to shoo them off so that I don’t have to witness any further attack on this poor soul.  Now it came clear that even though 8 of them hangout together,  our one legged beauty is always sidelined. She may not be able to swim/paddle as fast the other ducks, but still she has the willpower to be with them whether they like it or no. Just a few feet away, alone but not really alone.  Together but not really together.  I am sure that works out for the ducks and I have no moral right or authority to question this aspect.  Since the animal kingdom is all about survival of the fittest, provided we humans don’t destroy their habitat, this must be acceptable given the situation.

It started raining again and all the ducks went back to the lake,  we huddled under a tree with our umbrellas and waited for the rain to stop. The park ranger and a police man present said no one is permitted to swim until 5:45PM.  The policeman was harassing others stating that only at 6pm people are allowed to swim.

we were sitting there enjoy the cool drizzle and some snacks, our one legged beauty came again. this time she came straight to me and had the courage to eat food from my hands. Kristin was afraid that it may choke to death because it was eating all the dry food.  We stopped feeding her.  She waited for few moments and posted for some pictures and when realized that we are not going to feed her anymore,  there she went. Leaped in to the air and flew like an eagle and landed far away in the lake.  Last glimpse I saw was that she was drinking water from the lake or rinsing her beaks.

So long willy. I left the pond  for home, but I took some determination and strength with me. We humans can learn a lot from all the living and non living beings.  Just keep an open mind and its always before you.

Why live life dangerously? Quit drugs!

July 18th, 2007 by bostonsarav

I don’t want to sound preachy or nosy or bossy or irritating.  If you feel all the above or one of those even better.  Because the intent of these words are to get to you and make some sense.  Our parents when we grew up tell us right from wrong. As adults we tend to do the same thing and we all know right from wrong.  Everyone knows that very well and pretending that we don’t know is insane and ignorant.  Yet our minds work mysteriously and sometimes even though we know its wrong, we tend to go with the wrong thing. We are humans after all.  It all started with Steve sorry Eve eating the forbidden fruit, the saga continues. Is there any explanation for that?  I don’t think so, but we don’t need any explanation. Wrong is always wrong and right is always right.  There is no third state. It doesn’t exist. Its true or false and simple logic as that.

Let us take me for an example.  I grew up watching my father smoke all his life, I was told by my mom that how bad is smoking. I swore earlier that I wont smoke in my lifetime.  what happened? I ended up picking up that habit and eventually quit. (Thanx David for the wise words "I cant imagine my body controlled by a chemical"). Those are the magical words that was god sent in the right time.  Intervention was needed and rest is history.  When you have the will power you can do anything you want.  I quit smoking in 3 days cold turkey and boy it was horrible few days and now I am the happiest person in the world to venture in that path and not straying away is very important to stay the course.

Drugs, alcohol and Tobacco are the worst enemies.  I ve heard arguments that "I am in control and I don’t get addicted".  "I use it once a while, it shouldn’t affect me".  "I only do it when I go to clubs", or" I do it only on special occasions". What a load of BS? Why said its ok to do drugs?  A drop of poison or a spoonful is still poison. There is no excuse.  You are your worst enemy and you only you can defeat that enemy in you.

If its not chemical dependency, it could be a physiological dependencies.  The fact that some of us use these  without thinking twice or knowing the side effects is insane.  How many of us will go and do a research (let us face it,  if you google it you get tons of info, you don’t have to do a PHD to get the info) before using any of the above?  I didn’t do it when I started smoking?  it was like I will give company to my friends.. I wont inhale, its not actually smoking.. its all BS.  I ended up smoking for sometime. I have no idea what the long term effects its going to be.  My lungs are not going to be the same as a non smoker. That’s the truth and fact.  I have to face the repercussions.

For example Extasy, the designer club drug. I recently came to know that some of my friends or acquaintances use this drug on occasions.  Here are some facts about the drug courtesy of http://www.drugabuse.gov/ClubAlert/ClubdrugAlert.html.   

Its time to say "I will stop using it, I am in serious trouble, I have to think about the future".  You are not alone in this fight. There are enough support in the community for you to get over this habit.  I am there for you if needed and you know how to reach me.  Its never too late, every second counts and its your health and only you are responsible for that.

Why live life dangerously?  Quit drugs!

Street Names : XTC, X (MDMA); Special K, Vitamin K (ketamine); liquid ecstasy, soap (GHB); roofies (Rohypnol)
How you are screwed : Chronic use of MDMA may lead to changes in brain function. GHB abuse can cause coma and seizures. High doses of ketamine can cause delirium, amnesia, and other problems. Mixed with alcohol, Rohypnol can incapacitate users and cause amnesia.

Some Facts About Club Drugs

Methylenedioxymethamphetamine (MDMA)
Slang or Street Names: Ecstasy, XTC, X, Adam, Clarity, Lover’s Speed

Chemically, MDMA is similar to the stimulant amphetamine and the hallucinogen mescaline. MDMA can produce both stimulant and mild sensory-altering effects.

Methylenedioxyamphetamine (MDA), methylenedioxyethylamphetamine (MDEA), and paramethoxyamphetamine (PMA) are chemically similar to MDMA, are sometimes found in ecstasy tablets, and can produce deleterious health effects.
MDMA is usually taken orally, via a tablet or capsule. Its effects last approximately 3 to 6 hours, though depression, sleep problems, and anxiety have been reported for days to weeks afterwards.

MDMA can produce a significant increase in heart rate and blood pressure and a sense of alertness similar to that associated with amphetamine use.
MDMA can cause a marked increase in body temperature (hyperthermia), which may further be exacerbated by hot and crowded conditions characteristic of the rave environment. Hyperthermia can lead to liver, kidney, and cardiovascular system failure. MDMA can interfere with its own metabolism (breakdown), so repeated use over a short interval of time can lead to especially harmful levels in the body.
MDMA users can become dehydrated, prompting increased water consumption. In some cases, this has led to the problem of "water intoxication" or hyponatremia, a potentially fatal condition in which excessive water consumption causes a dramatic decrease in electrolytes. MDMA can affect the hormone that regulates the amount of sodium in the blood, which can also cause hyponatremia.
In animal studies, repeated administration of MDMA was found to produce long-lasting, perhaps permanent, damage to the neurons that release serotonin. In humans, chronic use of MDMA has been associated with memory impairment, which may indicate damage to the parts of the brain involved in memory processing.
Recent animal studies have shown that binge use of MDMA is toxic to the heart. Health effects observed included arrhythmia, heart muscle damage, and reductions in heart rate and blood pressure. (Initially, MDMA increases heart rate and blood pressure, but following repeated use, this effect is reversed.)
Newborn rats exposed to MDMA develop impairments of spatial learning and memory that are seen when the rats become young adults. The newborn stage of rodent brain development is analogous to late third trimester in humans.
NIDA’s 2003 Monitoring the Future (MTF) study reported that 2.1 percent of 8th-graders, 3.0 percent of 10th-graders, and 4.5 percent of 12th-graders had used MDMA in the 12 months prior to the survey. This is a decrease from 2001 peak rates of 3.5, 6.2, and 9.2 percent, respectively.
*MDMA abuse has been reported across the country, including most of the 21 areas that are monitored by NIDA’s Community Epidemiology Work Group (CEWG), a network of researchers that provide ongoing community-level surveillance of drug abuse. CEWG cities in which MDMA use has been reported include: Chicago, Denver, Miami, Atlanta, New Orleans, San Francisco, Austin, Seattle, Boston, Detroit, New York, St. Louis, Dallas, Baltimore, Los Angeles, Minneapolis/St. Paul, Newark, Philadelphia, and Washington, DC.

Gamma-hydroxybutyrate (GHB)
Slang or Street Names: Grievous Bodily Harm, G, Liquid Ecstasy, Georgia Home Boy

GHB can be produced in clear liquid, white powder, tablet, and capsule forms, and it is often used in combination with alcohol, making it even more hazardous. GHB has been increasingly involved in poisonings, overdoses, drug-facilitated sexual assaults (such as "date rapes"), and fatalities. The drug is used predominantly by adolescents and young adults - often when they attend nightclubs and raves - and is prominent in many gay male communities.

GHB is usually abused either for its intoxicating/sedating/euphoria-inducing properties or for its growth hormone-releasing effects.
Chemicals that can be converted by the body into GHB include gamma-butyrolactone (GBL) and 1,4- butanediol (BD), which are found in a number of products that are labeled as cleaning agents and are often sold over the Internet and in retail stores.
GHB is a central nervous system depressant and its intoxicating effects begin 10 to 20 minutes after the drug is taken. The effects typically last up to 4 hours, depending on the dosage. At higher doses, GHB’s sedative effects may result in sleep, coma, or death.

GHB is cleared from the body relatively quickly (in approximately 2 hours). There are no GHB detection tests for use in emergency rooms and many clinicians are unfamiliar with it, so many GHB incidents go undetected.
In July 2002, the Food and Drug Administration approved the medically supervised use of GHB for the treatment of cataplexy (episodes in which muscles suddenly go limp) associated with narcolepsy.
*CEWG cities in which GHB abuse has been reported include: Detroit, Phoenix, Honolulu, Miami, New York, Atlanta, Minneapolis/St. Paul, Dallas, Seattle, San Francisco, San Diego, New Orleans, Newark, Los Angeles, Baltimore, Boston, and Denver.

Ketamine
Slang or Street Names: Special K, K, Vitamin K, Cat Valium

Ketamine is an anesthetic that can be injected, snorted, or smoked. It has been approved for both human and animal use in medical settings since 1970. About 90 percent of the ketamine sold legally today is intended for veterinary use.

Large doses cause reactions similar to those associated with use of phencyclidine (PCP), such as dream-like states and altered perceptions or hallucinations.
Ketamine is produced in liquid form or as a white powder that is often snorted or smoked with marijuana or tobacco products. In some cities (Boston, New Orleans, and Minneapolis/St. Paul, for example), ketamine has been reported to be injected intramuscularly.
Low-dose intoxication from ketamine results in impaired attention, learning ability, and memory.

At higher doses, ketamine can cause delirium, amnesia, impaired motor function, high blood pressure, depression, and potentially fatal respiratory problems.
*CEWG cities in which ketamine abuse has been reported include: Seattle, Miami, New York, Chicago, Minneapolis/St. Paul, Newark, Boston, Detroit, New Orleans, and San Diego.

Rohypnol
Slang or Street Names: Roofies, Rophies, Roche, Forget-me Pill

Rohypnol (flunitrazepam) belongs to the class of drugs known as benzodiazepines (which include Valium, Halcion, Xanax, and Versed). It is not approved for prescription use in the United States, although it is used in many countries as a treatment for insomnia, as a sedative, and as a presurgery anesthetic.

Rohypnol is tasteless and odorless, and it dissolves easily in carbonated beverages. The sedative and toxic effects of Rohypnol are aggravated by concurrent use of alcohol. Even without alcohol, a dose of Rohypnol as small as 1 mg can impair a user for 8 to 12 hours.
Rohypnol is usually taken orally, although there are reports that it can be ground up and snorted.

The drug can cause profound "anterograde amnesia;" that is, individuals may not remember events they experienced while under the effects of the drug. Reportedly, it has been used in sexual assaults.
Other adverse effects associated with Rohypnol include decreased blood pressure, drowsiness, visual disturbances, dizziness, confusion, gastrointestinal disturbances, and urinary retention.
*CEWG areas in which Rohypnol abuse has been reported include: Miami, Houston, and sites along the Texas-Mexico border.

Methamphetamine
Slang or Street Names: Tina, Speed, Ice, Chalk, Meth, Crystal, Crank, Fire, Glass

Methamphetamine is a toxic, addictive stimulant that affects many areas of the central nervous system. The drug is often made in clandestine laboratories from relatively inexpensive over-the-counter ingredients. It is used by diverse groups, including clubgoers, in some areas of the country. Methamphetamine has been available in western and southwestern regions of the country for several years, but appears to be increasingly available in other regions.

Methamphetamine can be smoked, snorted, injected, or ingested orally. It is a white, odorless, bitter-tasting crystalline powder that dissolves easily in beverages.
Methamphetamine is typically sold through networks; not on the street like many other illicit drugs.
Methamphetamine abuse is associated with serious health consequences, including memory loss, aggression, violence, psychotic behavior, and cardiac and neurological damage.
Methamphetamine abusers typically display signs of agitation, excited speech, decreased appetite, and increased physical activity levels.
Methamphetamine is neurotoxic. Abusers may suffer significant reductions in dopamine transporters and receptors.
Methamphetamine abuse can contribute to higher rates of infectious disease transmission, especially hepatitis and HIV/AIDS.

NIDA’s 2003 MTF study found that 3.2 percent of 12th-graders, 3.3 percent of 10th-graders, and 2.5 percent of 8th-graders had used methamphetamine within the past year.
*CEWG cities in which methamphetamine abuse has been reported include: San Diego, San Francisco, Phoenix, Atlanta, St. Louis, Denver, Honolulu, Los Angeles, Minneapolis/St. Paul, Philadelphia, Boston, Seattle, and Dallas. Methamphetamine abuse has also been reported in many rural areas of the country.

Lysergic Acid Diethylamide (LSD)
Slang or Street Names: Acid, Boomers, Yellow Sunshines

LSD is a hallucinogen, inducing abnormalities in sensory perceptions. The effects of LSD are unpredictable depending on the amount taken, on the surroundings in which the drug is used, and on the user’s personality, mood, and expectations.

LSD is typically taken by mouth. It is sold in tablet, capsule, and liquid forms, as well as on pieces of blotter paper that have absorbed the drug.
Typically, an LSD user feels the effects of the drug 30 to 90 minutes after taking it. The physical effects include dilated pupils, elevated body temperature, increased heart rate and blood pressure, sweating, loss of appetite, sleeplessness, dry mouth, and tremors.
LSD users frequently report numbness, weakness, trembling, and nausea.
There are two long-term disorders associated with LSDÑpersistent psychosis and hallucinogen persisting perception disorder (which used to be called "flashbacks").

NIDA’s MTF survey data found that LSD use has decreased significantly among 10th- and 12thgraders over the past few years. In 2003, past year use reached the lowest levels in the history of the survey: 1.3 percent of 8th-graders, 1.7 percent of 10th-graders, and 1.9 percent of 12th-graders reported past year use of LSD.
*CEWG cities in which LSD abuse has been reported include: Boston, Detroit, Seattle, Chicago, Denver, New Orleans, San Francisco, Atlanta, and Phoenix.

Provincetown 2007

July 18th, 2007 by bostonsarav

Summer is one of the best times in NewEngland.  After months of snow, bitter cold and longing for some warm weathers, Summer is a real boon. The warm weathers does perks everyone up.   Like last year ptown is my first destination for the summer of 2007.  My friend bill wanted to go as well, so we ended up renting a 2 bedroom condo in the Town center area.  very convenient and walking distance to the town and close to everything.  I suppose staying in a condo is very convenient in terms of having your own space, cook, clean and be yourself.  It sort off gives you a at home feeling, that’s very enjoyable, cozy and soothing.

Every day is different and unique.  During some casual conversation someone observed how much the gay community visiting or staying is much older community.  Where is the younger crowd?  One of the reason being this place has become wicked expensive. I wouldn’t agree more.  The demographic mostly is 40 something White men.  Lots of them come here on vacation or have own places and come and go as they please. In the day time you see families and younger crowd. You can see straight guys holding on to their girlfriends tight and they seem to be very self conscious for being there.  Most of them are very cute and it doesn’t help either, its stuff under the prying eyes of hungry wolfs. :)

Not only that this place should attract more younger crowd, it should attract more diverse crowd. I am tired of constantly getting stared at, because most of them have not seen a gay Indian guy before and I stand out in the crowd.  No wonder I am insisting on diversity in this small heck of a place. Its very important for me to see diversity, unfortunately this place has a long way to go to achieve that aspect.  Its not easy to achieve that.  People come here on a voluntary basis, its their time and money.  But unless if this place makes it friendly, they wont comeback.

This year around, it dawned on me.  We try to stereotype a typical gay guy. Their life runs on the social calendar..  Wakeup(hopefully in your bed), get coffee, get some lunch, beach, T dance, dinner, club, spiritus pizza, D*** dock.  Let us not forget shopping in between. There is alcohol involved all day, lunch, beer at the beach, drinks at T dance, drinks for dinner, club.. its never ending saga of alcohol.  If one is happy with the never ending supply of alcohol and men, they are all set.  But life is more involved than this.  You can organize your own schedule and your own schedule and do things you want to.  This is called vacation not a package tour.

I want to spend my vacation my way, on my schedule and on my terms.  Its nothing I want to do on others terms and conditions. Its my downtime and I want to do things in my phase.  Thats something I was looking forward to and believe me I enjoy that way.  Nothing beats it.

Strolling on the streets of ptown

July 16th, 2007 by bostonsarav

This year I again chose ptown as my vacation destination.  So watch out for this blog for more into

Happy 4th

July 4th, 2007 by bostonsarav

Its a beautiful day.  The sun is shinning, cool breeze and the thermometer says its 72F outside. I am sitting in my living room with my laptop on my lap and typing away my thoughts of the day. Its an amazing feeling. I feel peaceful, blessed and content. I feel fortunate to sit here and have the freedom to pen my thoughts when millions of my fellow human beings don’t have that freedom. Its July 4th 2007 and I salute all the forefathers of American freedom movement which culminated in this great country.  I have the freedom to live my life as a Immigrant,  I have many rights and moreover I can love whoever I can at least in this great state of Massachusetts. I standup for rights, voice for causes I believe in, start a business in ease and many more.  We are fortunate to have these rights and opportunities presenting itself.  It didn’t come easy. Its the fruit of forefathers of this great land. Its the fruit of scarifices of thousand of young men and women who laid their life for the freedom of this country. Nothing comes for free.  If people think that way, either they are ignorant or stupid. 

Everything comes with a price and someone has paid the price. I don’t agree with the current regime’s policies of I will kill you if you don’t agree with me attitude or rake all the money if we can before I leave the office or make the judicial system a laughing lot when it comes to protect their own kind or leading the country to he direction where special interest groups want to go or trying to appease the right wing and change laws of the nation and derail the progressive growth of the country.  But I see lot of positivity among this kiotic, disturbing past few years.  That gives me hope and energy to look forward to see the future.

This day is very special and I will immerse myself with pride and joy to celebrate this day. I can feel the spirits of forefathers of this great country.  Happy 4th and hope you enjoy the day.

I got older today!

June 10th, 2007 by bostonsarav

Its always wonderful to celebrate your birthday in your own way.  For me its not all about big parties, cakes, gifts and being loud.  Its all about acknowledging that this is my birthday and  I am thankful for being here.  Healthy, fit, a loving family, wonderful friends, good job, a roof over my head and a floor to walk on.   This year, this day came with new direction in life and I don’t remember watching a movie in a cinema watching Pirates of the Caribbean III. If I claim my life is a open book, its not true entirely.  In that case there is nothing to mystify your presence or your life. You have to have some private things to hide and keep it as a secret. That will keep an interest in your life and attract all kinda people. Its all fun isn’t it?

Every year comes and goes and one more added to your age.  You can see the physical changes in you.  Yet you are the same inside, you sill feel like a teenager or a kid or an adult when the situation presents itself. I don’t like the idea of people falsifying their age. Its something I don’t understand and its something people who are insecure will do or whatever reason one can come up with.  I may look younger than my age, it doesn’t mean I should adjust my age based on that myth.  I warn you that the mirror in your home shows little to nothing about you. Often times we give emphasize only for that fraction of what is revealed or what we think is reveled. I simply don’t agree with having my age hanging around 29 forever.

My motto in life is live your life. Every moment is very important.  As I wrote in my poetry earlier "This moment is all I got,  the one which was gone is already spent, remains a memory and the one coming next is a promise, it will remain a promise".  So its very important for me to enjoy the moment and appreciate it.  Don’t you agree with me?   Its always nice to dream about the future and planning for it and all.  But at the same time its very important to cherish the moment which you life and its present.  Why dwell on the past and bet everything on the future?

This year has been a phenomenal year in my life.  I am growing as a human being. I am not perfect at the same time I am not totally a bad person. We all come with flaws and that’s what makes us who we are. Otherwise if we are all too good, it will be such a boring existence.  We need drama in life and not soap opera. New beginnings, new directions and new possibilities.  These are mantra that I believe in and will remain forever.

I recently made myself a promise not getting drawn into drama and become a soap star. There are many who do it professionally so I will leave up to them to do their part, its definitely not for me. Dogs can always bark at the sun, but the sun never barks back. Does it?  The dog will eventually get bored and will stop.  It cant continue forever and let us say the Sun barks back,  the dog will go wilder and wilder.  Its like feeding a wild fire with more air and fuel.  If you just cut of both these things, the fire will be quenched by itself.  This is a promise I will keep along with the other promises I made and I kept successfully.

366 more days to go,  but this day is still young, lovely, bright and spiritual. I will hangout with some dear ones for lunch, dinner, coffee or phone calls.  Since I am so big into living the moment and cherish this,  I am going to finish this one and go make another cup of chai.

Reflections (05/26/07)

May 29th, 2007 by bostonsarav

Reflections
Bouncing lights
dancing on water
From the setting sun
From the well lit towers
Passing boats and peeping moon
Endless Deep blue velvet scarfs
dancing and swaying
Golden sprinkles and
silver streak highlights
from peeping moon and
setting sun
doing a tango
swaying in unison
for a endless dance

We stand in silence
Hand in hand
body against body
I smell your scent
I feel your breath
I feel your beat
I feel your warmth
It feels so divine
Reflections
Of the retiring world
of our hearts and souls
of the passing breeze
of the peeping moon
reflections
of this momentous moment
Just You and me
nothing between
nothing beyond

Love is strange

April 13th, 2007 by bostonsarav

Love is strange
It has no boundaries
It has no limits
Your heart behaves differently
Your mind works differently
your emotions are dramatic
your body becomes erotic
the touch
the warmth
your senses at the peak
you are senseless as I peek
I wish I could stop
I wish I could draw a line
To tell my heart to stop
To tell my mind to stop
To contain my emotions from overdrive
To contain my body from overdrive
It doesn’t work that way
It doesn’t behave that way
My vices are at the peak
My senses are at the peak
I try very hard
to build my own cocoon
I try very hard
to stay within my cocoon
Hate when this starts
The beginning of an end
Love becomes hate
Hate becomes you
Self hate becomes the rule
Self pain becomes the rule
Yet, Love is strange
It has no boundaries
It has no limits
I will suffer silently
Within my coccon
Try to turn blind
Try to grow numb
Till it surfaces again

This moment

March 24th, 2007 by bostonsarav

This moment
Bigger than life
Its mine
mine alone

The one before
already spent
The one after
Still a promise

This moment
Mine to waste
Mine to spend
Mine alone

Soak my soul
With goodness
With peace
With love
Seal thy soul
From the darkness
From the pain
From the hurt

This moment
Is my moment
Live my life
A loving life

I am alive again

January 18th, 2007 by bostonsarav

I am alive
I am alive again
your touch
your stare
your smile
your smell
your warmth
woke me from
Eternal sleep
I am alive
I am alive again
touch me
hold me
love me
taste me
never let go
I am alive
I am alive again